I felt so very compelled to write when I got home after our trip to the north country!  I had such a good day... very good day!

We went up north to watch my father play the drums at his church service.  I knew the stories of him playing in the school band, his own band in his youth and all that- but had never ever ever seen him play anything but the his fingers tapping on the kitchen table or drumming to a little mini synthesizer.  I was so proud today to watch him play the drums while the whole congregation sang such uplifting songs that brought tears to my eyes.  This service was far different than any service I had been to... but different in a good way. 

I was pleasantly charmed by Pastor Mac... and was in awe of the angelic voices from the people surrounding me.  These were some of the people that have been praying for me Dad told me... people I had never met before who were pulling for me... I am so very thankful and touched.
We enjoyed the services and watched a variety of people be baptised - including one so very special to me.  And then enjoyed a picnic lunch behind the church.

It was a gorgeous day weatherwise in the north country and we were enjoying everyone's company and stories.
We decided to take the long way home- which was a stop in the notch, a drive around Newfound Lake and then every backroad known to man between Bristol and Milford.  I repeatedly would look over at Todd and tell him how happy I was.  You cherish moments like these- when just days ago you feel like the world stopped spinning.

Monday we had gone down to the Dana Farber and Brigham & Womens.  I drank those two bottles of "berry smoothie"- berry smoothie my butt...more like berry flavored pepto-bismal... I guess it could have been worse.  Anyway- I did manage to choke them down- so VERY proud of myself!  I had the CT Scan and we went over to the DF- me, Todd and Mom.  My doctor then proceeded to tell me that my cancer had gotten worse... in the short period of time... it was in my lungs and on the pleura- the sack around the lungs.  She also mentioned that it was in/on (debate b/w me & Todd what she said- whether it was in or on) my sternum.  That would explain the pain in the chest possibly...and she was confirming finally what had shown up on previous scans- but noone could tell us what it was.  My face got immediately red... my cheeks burned, my ears burned and I began to sob... so didn't Mom and Todd as they held me and grabbed my hand.

What's next- chemo... and it started Monday.  Todd said to be careful what I wished for... I had wanted chemo a month ago- I was ready for it- but it was decided we'd try hormonal therapy first.  So now- I got what I wanted.  We went up to the 10th floor and I got my first session right then and there.  The view from the chemo chair was much more interesting than that of NH Oncology- Mom and Todd watched an excavator dig holes for the new DF building that was going to be built next door.  I started on Avastin & Navelbine.  Both of which I have confirmed with my doctors here in NH is a good mix.  They don't necessarily make your hair fall out or get sick to your stomach. They are much more easy to cope with than my previous chemo drugs. I am much more confident with this treatment and am sure it will work!  We did the chemo thru an iv - and my nurse was absolutely wonderful!  We finished it up and then I had severe chest pains... that of which I had never ever felt before.  Come to find out- some patients experience a lot of pain where their cancer site is... signs of it attacking or working... so this pain- was a good thing!  I took my pain reliever- and it slowly subsided.

Since Monday I've also been drinking some juice high in anti-oxidants.  We're giving this cancer the one-two punch!

And since Monday- I've rarely taken any pain medicines and my breathing seems to have improved... slowly...

The past couple of weeks (or more even)- I had been taking 3 pain pills a day- and still had pain.  This week- I would take 1- if that.  I am still having pain, and some hours are worse than others- but nothing, nothing like before.
It's working... I know it is!

I'll have chemo every week- maybe even every monday if we keep that schedule.  Once I get a few under my belt at the DF - we can start back in Hooksett.  I thought it funny that the DF didn't have any rules of "no hot foods".  Hooksett- you can't have hot foods b/c of the "smells" that might upset some chemo patient's "tender" bellies.  I thought it funny that DF didn't uphold such a rule... until my neighbor had some sort of soup - and then it was downhill!  I can't stand the smell of soup.  Something about having it after my first chemo treatment ruined me- never sat well with me afterward.  So, though I wasn't sick from the chemo... I was getting sick to my stomach because fo the odor :)!

I also read thru my guestbook here - and am touched by those who spend the time to write something to me- I only wish I could reply back to those people that I do not know to tell them... thank you... Thank you for your kind words, your support and that I write these entries for not only me and for updates for my loved ones... but for those that might be newly diagnosed, or supporting a loved one with breast cancer- to let them know that as bad as today may seem- there will be a good day around the corner... be patient... it'll come!

So, days like today are a wonderful gift - and I am so very greatful for each one of them!