Of course 9/11 is a big day - and you can't help but look back and remember where you were when you heard or saw on the news the devastation that unfolded.  I was at work, I was horrified, I didn't want to get on a plane & fly to Hawaii for my honeymoon that was less than a month away.

Today was also another big day- it was the day of my bronchocopy! I'm gonna tell u in great detail what happens in a bronchoscopy- but first I'll rewind to last week.

Last saturday we went over to some friends house with a group of friends we hadn't really seen in a while.  It was a great visit!  I sat inside (it was sooo muggy Saturday night) talking at the kitchen table with the girls.  I laughed so hard I thought I'd cough up a lung... or that I'd walk out of there w/ abs of steel!  We had such a good time.  I checked my temp at one point- and it was 100.7 - which is high for a chemo patient... it must've been b/c I was laughing so hard!  Much needed emotional therapy!  We had a great time!

I went in for chemo last monday and though my counts were really low- Dr Crow was going to let me have my treatments anyway- until the nurse went back to him to let him know that I had a low grade fever (99.6- which is high for me- I typically am around 97.8 norm) - and felt like... welll like poo.  He opted to hold my treatment and I was put on an antibiotic for five days and treat my worsening cough as pneumonia.  I also was given Mucinex to loosen up any phlegm in my lungs and get it out.

I went home - took Tylenol once my fever would reach 100 or over... took the antibiotics and everything else prescribed to me.  A week went by- and the fever had not subsided.  I spent all week in the recliner or in bed, feeling absolutely horrible.  I had asked my pcp if I could see a respiratory specialist- and Becky hooked me with Dr Brethauer in Bedford.  I called them to get directions- and told them I had an appt with Dr Hauer... the woman on the other end was confused and told me they didn't have a "Dr Howard" - i said "oh no, Hauer"... she laughed and said- its

Dr Brethauer.  I thought it was a first and last name- so we had some laughs on that one!

Todd and I went to see him on Friday and he gave us a little taste of the ct scan results that I had had on Thursday.  I went into his office weezing and not feeling well at all.   He checked out my lungs and had me walk up & down the hallway a couple of times w/ the oxygen monitor thing on my finger.  I started out at 95 (which was 3 pts lesser than weeks ago) & after I walked it dipped down at one point quickly to 89- but then back up to 93- which isn't great- but good enough.  If you go below 89 or 88 I believe- they want you on oxygen.

So we finished up our appt and scheduled a bronchscopy for Tuesday (today).  He was going to check out inside my lungs and do a "wash" to collect some cultures for testing- to see if we could find out the coughing problem and maybe the route of my shortness of breath.

So, we stopped at Wendy's office on the way home from that appt and met with Becky & Becky!  They called Wendy and we went over my report from the ct scan.  The findings were- simplified version- that most remained unchanged except for 1 of the tumors growing only slightly.  So this wasn't great news- but it meant that we had slowed down the aggressive cancer.  Its better than hearing- they've all grown larger! So I'll take that!

Monday we went in for chemo and were denied again.  My counts were slightly higher- but I was still sick and they didn't want to put me in a compromising situation b/c I was having the procedure the next day.  Avastin can make you bleed more- so they didn't want to give it to me and then have me go in for a procedure.  So- they rescheduled it for Wednesday of this week.

So... we went in to Elliot at 7:30 and ventured to a new part of the hospital- which was weird!  We went to the pulmonary unit where we met the nurse (Denise?? crud- can't recall her name- but she was AWESOME!).  She asked us questions and helped put me at ease- answering any and all questions about the procedure and what to do at home.  Then it was time.  I gave Todd a kiss and hug- and he was off to have breakfast- he loves the pancakes at the cafeteria!  I layed down in the bed with lumpy in one hand while they started the numbing procedure.

First they told me to think of a place that relaxes you....mmmm... ok- but that won't last long no matter how hard I try!  We started off with a shot in the arm and my iv- which went in w/out a hitch- phew! Then they put some numbing jelly in my right nostril. It tasted like novicaine (b/c that was what it was) and it was so thick.  She told me to breathe it in and I did- but it was such an unnatural feeling.  It slid down the back of my throat and I asked the other nurse if I was supposed to swallow it or what?  She said to spit it out- I told her it was too late- I already swallowed it!  I also got numbing solution to gargle with a couple of times for my throat.  Then they gave me a nebulizer to help numb my throat and mouth.  I worked on that while she stuck long cotton swabs in my nose to numb it up even more.  It started out okay and then I freaked- it hurt and again- was so unnatural.  I pushed my head into the pillow and was shaking- so they called in the guy with the loopy medicine.  They only gave me a little and I relaxed a little.  She continued to stick thngs up my right nostril while I finished up the nebulizer.  I didn't want to stop the numbing process b/c I knew what was next.

I was numbed up - so in came Dr Brethauer.  There was a little tv above me- that I could barely see- i tried to keep my eyes closed.  They covered my eyes with a wash cloth so I would see what was going on- but I could peak out the bottom.  I squeezed lumpy in my left hand and the nurses hand in my right hand.

In went the instrument.  The nose was fine- I couldn't feel that at all.  Then down the throat- ok - a little uncomfortable... and then to the larynx where they spraid some more numbing stuff- and I freaked.  "I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" - to which there response was "yes you can".  They told me to calm down, was doing great and to relax.....mmmhmmmmm.  They got past that and I tried breathing normal- as normal as I could.  Big deep loud breaths - which they told me to stop making so much noise- so I would aggrevate my vocal chords.  They got down into the lungs and were lookin' around and then did the wash.  They sprayed the saline solution and i coughed and it went all over my cheeks.  And then I freaked again - "I can't do this! I can't do this!"  Boy is it a scary feeling- I can't even tell you how terrifying.  Yeah- just relax, I'm not in danger, but the feeling is so unnatural - that it scared me.  They finished up and took the thing out and I just started coughing. 

Eventually I got put in a chair and Todd came back in the room.  The coughing slowly subsided and the numbness slowy went away.  They kept the oxygen saturation thing on my finger and watched it drop down to 89, then back up to 95.  We went for a little walk down the hallway- the nurse on one side with the oxygen canister and Todd on the other with my iv.  We went back to the room and I sat down and it went back up- so we did another walk.  Eventually I went up to 99 but then back to 93- so they took the oxygen out of my nose and I stayed around 92- time to go home!

I got to walk out of the hospital this time- and got in the truck feeling pretty good- able to breathe pretty good.  I just had a dry throat and felt a light headed.  We said that was due to my "Rum and Coke" which in actuality was the loopy juice they gave me.
Again- the nurses were awesome and Dr Brethauer did a great job.
Now I sit at home- had a little nap earlier, having some pretty good (bad) chest pains and working on a higher fever- which they told me I'd get.
I should have some of the results from the cultures back by Thursday- some take longer to get back.  He said he didnt find any abnormalities- but that the bronchi were pink and irritated- could be caused by something or my coughing.
I'm glad its over, thats for sure. 
So we'll go for chemo tomorrow and see if I can get it.  And Thursday we'll get results back from the cultures.  I'm hoping they say "Oh yeah- you have xyz, its not serious, we'll give you abc, and it'll go away- and you'll have no more coughing or fever and will be able to breathe easier" - thats what I want for my birthday on friday!!