Yes, even in 2003 after seeing cancer and illness affect people I knew I still subconsciously, but ignorantly felt that it really could NOT happen to me! 

May 2003 – I was doing what I called a self breast examination in the shower, which was really feeling my breast trying to ensure that there was no lump, although for the life of me, I did not know what a lump would feel like.  The ONLY reason I even attempted to halfway do this was because a friend of one of my dear friends was diagnosed with breast cancer the year before.  So, although I didn’t think it would ever happen to me, the least I could do was a monthly exam. (Thanks Paula!) Well, I did feel something, but because I didn’t know what to look for, I felt it everyday for at least a week or so while convincing myself that it couldn’t be a lump or that it wasn’t a lump ‘cause….. I was too young (only 30 years old….I was a mother…..I nursed my two girls Germayne, then almost 3 and Jayme, then 1….I was physically active and worked out regularly and in what I would call “in shape”….I didn’t have a family history of breast cancer…..I didn’t drink or smoke….didn’t have any medical issues……hey, whatever “risk factors” that were out there, they didn’t apply to me.  If anything, because of my lifestyle and age, my “risk factors” were reduced.

June 2003 – Although feeling what I now know was a lump and even after it disturbed me for over a week, I did NOTHING, cause I really felt it could not happen to me.  I had previously scheduled my annual exam with my gynecologist in June, just a few weeks after my finding.  I went for my exam and really didn’t think much of the lump until my gynecologist, as he was examining my breast, asked me if I felt the lump and I told him that I did.  Well, he told me that I need to see a surgeon and immediately scheduled me to see a surgeon the next day.  Ok….this scared the crap (is that the word I want?…yes…crap) out of me.  I met with the surgeon who then ordered me to get a mammogram and ultrasound.  He felt that the lump was probably benign and nothing to worry about considering my age and these darn “risk factors”.  So, after my mammogram and ultrasound, I decided to go ahead with my summer plans of camping with my family and attending my family reunion and scheduled my biopsy AFTER I’d done everything I needed to do…since it was more than likely a benign tumor.  No worry for me. 

July 22, 2003 – I went in the hospital for my biopsy. I’m sure I was nervous, but the procedure was done and all I had to do was wait a couple of days for my confirmation that nothing was there so that I could go on with my life.  I think the 22^nd was on a Tuesday and it seemed that my results could not come back quick enough for me of course.  That Friday, my surgeon called me and left me a message…OK…what was HE calling me for?  I expected one of his nurses to call….but not the big dog….  I called him back and he very calmly told me that they did find a small amount of cancer and that they wanted me to come back on the next Tuesday so that they could take some more breast tissue and test it and that they would basically reshape my breast so that it would look normal. (The cancer that was discovered was less than 2cm, indicating that it was early or Stage 1 breast cancer.  My surgeon drew an enlarged dot or period on a piece of paper to give me an idea of the cancer size.  I'm thinking to myself, 'Is it even possible to have such a small amount detected?  Apparently so.  Driving home was a blur that day and I allowed myself to be consumed that evening by absolute fear.  I immediately decided that it was nothing I could handle on my own and gave it over to the LORD.  (1 Peter 5:7 – Cast all your cares on him, for he cares for you) OK, one less thing for me to worry about…and I meant it. 

July 29, 2003 – I went in for what I later found out was a lumpectomy.  All went well and they sent me home with a drainage tube…OK…what in the world is this?  And how long do I have to wear this? I don’t remember the recovery being too bad at all….my left breast was just sore and oh yea….where’s the feeling in my left arm??!!!!  And of course there was that darn drainage tube.  My breast stayed sore for some time, but I was functioning ok after a week or so.  The drainage tube was a huge nuisance and I always felt like it would come out of my body or that someone would notice it protruding under my clothes.  I returned to work and waited for treatment….which was 6 weeks of radiation.   

September 10 – October 22, 2003 – I had daily treatments of radiation to my left breast.  I left work early everyday and went for my treatments.  Radiation for me was not painful at all and I really felt like it was not working.  (Not like I’d know or anything.)  I even told the radiologist that I thought it wasn’t working.  Looking back, I’m sure they just looked at me in pity and thought, “This poor child, hasn’t a clue.”  Anyway, I went each day and it really took me longer to drive to the hospital, park my car, take off my clothes, have the nurse set up the machine and for me to get dressed than it did for the treatment.  The treatments were short and quick and I initially thought, “what a waste of my time”.  Not long after the treatments began did I notice that radiation was really burning my breast ….hey….my breast is tanning…oh no….now it’s baking….oh no…..now, it’s burning.  Then suddenly I started to get tired a lot.  (Maybe this stuff does work.)  Before I knew it, my treatments were over and I returned to life as normal.  The only thing now was for me to come to grips with having a numb feeling in my left arm that my surgeon told me would always be there since they probably cut a nerve when they did my lumpectomy. It is 2007 and my left arm has remained numb.  It was quite annoying at first, but I’ve gotten used to it.  I still have feeling in it, I just can’t do anything about it.  If it’s itching, I just have to deal with it, cause no amount of scratching will satisfy the itch.  I also had to get over my breast looking like a burnt piece of brisket.  Amazingly, once my treatments were over, my breast began to shed the torched skin (such a scary process) and lo and behold…a nice breast, although slightly darker, emerged.  (It eventually returned to normal.) Whew!   

After all of this, my regimen included seeing my surgeon, gynecologist and now oncologist twice a year for monitoring. (I’d seen the oncologist after the lumpectomy and he recommended the radiation based upon the results of my tests.)  My cancer was deemed to have been found early and my doctors felt that the chances of the cancer returning were less than 5%.  No additional treatment was recommended. 

LESSON learned – Yes, it could happen to me…even me, and I vowed to never second guess feeling a lump.  I know what a lump feels like and although I felt like my breasts were always lumpy, my spirit felt so uncomfortable when I initially felt it.  Don’t ignore the obvious signs.  The body does not lie and will let you kow when something ain't right.  My lump felt like a marble was in my breast…much different from any lumpiness I thought I’d always felt.  I’m no longer a fan of “risk factors”, although I do understand them and believe that they may be helpful, they just hold a different meaning for me now.  Just because the risk factors for my getting breast cancer were low, indicating that chances of my getting the disease were low, I used that as a false sense of security, believing that I WOULD NOT get breast cancer.