February 25, 2004

It's official, chemotherapy sucks.  But I think half the battle for me last week was just not knowing what to expect.  The treatment itself on Wed was fine as was the next day (pretty much).  But Fri and Sat I felt like I was hit by a truck.  I felt very flu-like ... but different.  I'm not sure I can fully explain.  I never actually got sick but was just downright miserable - nauseas, constant HUGE headache, dizzy, achy and I couldn't sleep very well because I had to go to the bathroom every hour and I also had the craziest dreams.  I have weird dreams anyway - motion picture epics sometimes - but these were different ... almost like I was "plugged in."

I still can't believe I watched Maury Povich two days in a row when I was sick ...

Thank God for Sunday!  I woke up feeling more like me again!  Praise the Lord there is an end in site (for a few weeks anyway before we get to start it all over again).  Midday I totally crashed but I'll take it.  Monday was much the same and yesterday (Tue) I was back to normal again.  OK!  I can deal with this now knowing I'll have about 5 days every week that I am worthless to anyone.

The only real noticeable side effect that is lingering at this point is my hands are quite bruised (because my white blood count is now and will continue to be VERY low so I'll bruise easily and have to be really careful with knives and around sick people).  That didn't come out right but you know what I mean.  I'm still having trouble sleeping so will call Doctor Mike (my primary) today and see if he can prescribe me something.  The last two nights it took two hours to fall asleep.  I'm not sure if I'm wound up with energy, if my thyroid has decided to go hyper instead of hypo or what it is. I have also lost about 7 pounds!  Now THAT'S a GREAT side effect ... the holidays were not kind to me.

One thing I tried the other day to be able to nap in the afternoon (because I suck at that ... takes too long to "shut down") is Guided Imagery.  That stuff is incredible!!!  I laid in bed for an hour and listened to this woman's very soothing voice guide me with her words to a totally different place.  I'm not sure I could share it in detail without sounding like a flower child on dope, but when I started my chest was tight and my breathing very short ... anxiety.  When I was done I felt like mush ... I could hardly move.  My breathing was deep, my mind was clear, I'd cried a few times during the exercise (which they encourage you to do) and I felt more rested than if I'd slept.  I'm going to try and do that everyday and perhaps that will help me sleep better at night as well.

That's it for now.  Next treatment is 3/10.  Mom is coming over tomorrow to take me shopping for hat material and then we'll "do lunch."  I'll take some pictures of our adventure and post them later this week.

Thank you all for reading and caring and loving me so much!  I am so blessed to have the best family and friends (and especially husband ... thank you Kevin) in the world.