I am in Sun Valley Idaho (thanks to my father in law Michael)I am really grateful to you for this opportunity. It so beautiful here and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. As I sit here with a really bad cold I can't help but reflect over the past year. Thank God its over! I still can't believe what I went through. I sit here a changed woman. The tough thing is everything around me basically remains the same. There are things I need to change and I realize I can only do this myself.

I was married and a mom by the age of 22. I really leaned on my husband and others for guidance and advice and rarely did what my heart and mind was telling me to do. I went from my parents to my husband and didn't really have a chance to become a woman from the normal life experience. You know your twenties! I think certain things you experience during that time help you become a more secure woman. I am now ready to listen to myself and rely on myself more. Especially where diet and exercise are concerned. I always would do good for a couple of months and then would fall mostly from lack of support at home ;) I would give into the treats bought by my other half. Its so hard when you are married and comfortable. I now know the importance of making this lifetime change. I also know that self discipline is a huge part of it. You can't change just to lose weight it has to be a lifetime change.

I am so tired of failing. I constantly sabotage myself and I don't know why? I feel so good when the weight starts coming off and I start getting strong from regular exercise. Then I go and blow it. It is such a vicious cycle for me. It's quite discouraging. I must say I am a bit jealous of you genetically blessed friends of mine. You know who you are 

2008 has got to be the year that I get it right. Too much has happened for me to fail now. My dad leaving me at the age of 57 due to health problems cannot be me when I am 57. I miss him so much and its still so fresh. Last night I had a dream that I was going on a boat with him. I woke up and wanted to go back in my dream and grab him. It's so frustrating. This is my first loss of someone so close besides my grandma but I was 16 then. I know time heals and it is getting better. I just have my moments. 

I am still having some after effects from my whole ordeal. The surgery really was traumatic. I still have fears that I did not have before the surgery. I will be seeing a therapist at the cancer center when I get back. I have these random bouts of panic and anxiety when I think of anyone close to me accidently or suddenly dying. Especially my husband and children. I have these scary thoughts and I really need to shake it at some point. I find myself wanting to keep them close as if I could change some tragedy that might happen. So silly and mentally exhausting.

My body is still recovering. I am still recovering. I will get sharp shooting pains and burning sensations where my incisions are. I don't have my stamina back yet. I get tired real easy. I haven't even been able to keep up here on vacation. I am sure the cold I have now isn't helping. I also slipped on some icy steps on the way here and bruised my toe, ankle and knee. Ouch! Just what I needed. I must say that I am quite impressed with the way my reconstruction looks and its healing nicely. I can't wait for the whole proceedure to be done. I still have to have some things done at the plastic surgeon to complete the reconstruction.

I want to wish everyone Happy New Year! Thank you all for everything. The outpour of support and love I received was amazing and I will NEVER forget it. I hope you all have a wonderful time ringing in the New Year. I am staying home because I am not feeling up to going out but I will be with my kids. What more can I ask for. I am blessed in so many ways and I don't take it for granted anymore, not for one second!

LOT'S OF LOVE, HUGS AND GODS BLESSING TO YOU ALL!

Danielle~ You and Ron are on my mind and I am praying for you. Words cannot express how much my heart feels for you and your family. Keep praying and fighting.