February 10, 2008 - One question that I get asked a lot is, "Do you ever get mad?"  Funny.  Yes....I do...don't you?  (Maybe I'll talk about that later.)  I even have some things I don't like.......

There is a certain common “look” that I’ve seen in cancer patients….a certain bareness.  For me, it is the look of transparency or the look that lets you know that a person is being treated with chemo or in some similar way….can’t explain.  (Whatever image you have in mind is what I’m talking about.)  Well, I have that look.  My eyelashes really have fallen out for the most part and I have a couple of eyebrow hairs left.  It just happened suddenly (or did it?)….one day I was looking in the mirror and I had “the look”.  Oh no!   I can deal with having no body hair, but I REALLY do not like this bare facial look at all!  My mama has always described me as “dainty”.  I never knew really what she meant, but I would always insist, “I am NOT DAINTY!”  Well, the dainty girl is speaking now and I WANT MY EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES BACK!!!!  (Boo Hoo!  O  Boo Hoo!)  Yea, I know...kinda vain huh?  Er uhm.....I really don't care...this sucks!  (Just keepin it real....just keepin it real.)  I tend to adjust easily, but I REALLY don’t like this one thing.  So, I did the next best thing, in my mind:  I bought some false eyelashes and an eyebrow pencil.   Well, I’m a novice at putting on false eyelashes and they look too bold for my taste so I’ve given up on them and the eyebrow pencil….well….it initially had me looking like Baby Jane of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” and was very costume-ish!   I am still working with the eyebrow pencil though…..every day is a different look.  I so don't like drawing my eyebrows, but to appease my vanity, I'm doing it!!!!  (Somethin just ain't right about doing artwork on my face.....I'm not feeling it!) Just do me this one favor......please don’t look me directly in the eyes.   Use your peripheral vision.   (I’m kidding….if I could not laugh at a lot of what’s happened to me, I would surely have a miserable story to tell.)  Gerald likens me to a woman in some corny movie from the late 80's or early 90's.  I vaguely remember seeing this movie years ago and the part he teases me about is where the main guy takes this beautiful woman home and they are about to get intimate when she takes off her wig, fake boob, fake butt and prosthetic leg and threatens to hop over to him after he tries to decline…....so not funny!  Yup, at home, that kinda sounds like me.  I make no apologies for my bald head and I will not excuse myself to put my wig on.....it just is what it is.  (However, I may have to excuse myself to draw my brows..... just cause.)   

Other updates - My taste buds vary - some days I'm all good and on other days, well....they are messed up.  I usually have an appetite, but sometimes when I'm ready for a good meal and  think I'm about to enjoy it, nothing really tastes as good as it appears. 

My fingernail beds have started to turn black. They’ve been turning for a while now.  I haven’t had any pain in my fingers or any nail-bed detachment as is common with peripheral neuropathy (is that the right symptom?), so I’m just watching it.  Something else is going on with me, but I need to confirm what it is before I share it.  Check back soon.        

Anyway…I’m off to Round Five!  YEA!!!  Don’t remember if I mentioned it, but I’m gonna have 6 rounds of chemo, so I’ll be counting down really soon….  Six more treatments….2 more months!  I will be having some scans done on my body once my treatments are completed and hopefully I will be able to have my reconstructive surgery about 4 to 6 weeks after my chemo completion!  Talking about excited!  I can barely wait!

On a lighter note........I met a couple of guys recently and one of them had such a beautiful body that he made me wanna start working out again.  The other guy made me wanna chill out and have a burger.  Guess who?  YES, I am married and NO, (as so many of you have asked me), chemo does not make you blind! I think that's the result of some other drug.

February 12, 2008 - When things start to happen to me, I normally try to "self diagnose" myself before I seek medical attention.  You know...I have some basic medical knowledge that saves me trips to the doctor.  (At this point, it really doesn't matter since I see my surgeon and oncologist fairly regularly.)  Well, this one thing I could not figure out.  Every time I had to take the antibiotic Levaquin, I would start to feel dizzy and lightheaded and I would break out into a sweat...especially on my head.  I've never fainted before, but the first time this happened, it became very clear to me what fainting may feel like.  I just knew that I would collapse.  OK.  Well, on some days when I would not be taking the Levaquin, I would still feel this strange faint sensation and I would break out into a light sweat.  It would be very brief, but I began to feel this way at least once or twice a day....usually in the evenings or at night.  So, this had been going on for maybe a few weeks and because it was really brief, I dismissed it until Sunday night when I was overcome with heat and it came to me that perhaps I was having a HOT FLASH!!!  Oh my!  I could not believe it!  I went to my surgeon's office on Monday to pick up some medicine and I asked his nurse about these sensations I've been having and she confirmed that they were probably hot flashes!!  Ain't I too young for this?!  This is just one of those things that I hadn't paid much attention to or researched because I thought that I should have at LEAST a good 15 years or so before this kinda stuff starts to happen, right? Uhm....don't quite know how I'm feeling about this yet.  Now THIS, I'm hoping will be temporary. 

All is well.

Thank you - David Work, Tanya, Dennis & LaRissa, Kim Ugwu, Yetta, Jackie D, Joyce S, Stephanie T,