October 23, 2004

My name is Lisa Francoeur. I was sent to your website by friends the day that I found out I had breast cancer. I want to say this has all been a terrible shock to me, but I guess I knew in my heart that it was cancer before the doc even told me. In the matter of fact, I found the lump two years ago and had a mamo. I was told by the tech at that time that I had very dense breasts (I had no idea what that meant until they told me that I had no fat in my breasts and it was very difficult to read the x-ray), but I got a letter the next week  saying all was fine, no abnormalities.

I had been doing breasts exams occasionally. I can't honestly say every month, but at least every three to four months. I got to be very familiar with the mass in my breast, but thought that it was just tissue mass because they said there was nothing abnormal. I never really even noticed that it had grown. Just thought it was a part of my breast. Oh yeah, let me just inform you that I'm a 34 A-. Yup A-. How could someone without breasts have breast cancer? That's what I'd like to know. And I was true with my gynecological exams every year and the doc never felt it was abnormal.

Anyway, at the end of August, I was privileged to go to Las Vegas with my fiancé. He works for the federal gov. and had a conference there. Had a great time until the day before we were leaving when I opened the shower curtain to see that my right breast had a dimple in it. I had never noticed it there before because my bathroom mirror is shoulder height to me. I felt where the dimple was, and it was at this time that I noticed “a mass”. I waited for my period within the next few days, and was hoping things would change after that. Nope. I called for a mamo at the hospital and got in the next day (shear luck). The tech commented the same thing, that I had very dense breasts and that if I needed more reassurance than just the results of the mamo,  that I should contact my primary care physician and request an ultrasound. I had an appointment  with a nurse practitioner the next day who said she definitely felt something, and she got me in for an ultrasound within three days, the following Tuesday.

At the ultrasound, that tech again said I had dense breasts, yet they were able to see a mass through the ultrasound. She called in a doctor who said I needed to see a surgeon and then have a biopsy. I saw the surgeon on Wednesday and the day after that, I had the biopsy. The biopsy was not the most pleasant, but it’s probably my own doing. It was painful.  I was offered additional numbing but thought I could handle it.  I know that I’ll never try to be a hero again. Give me drugs!! This was on a Thursday. Everything was happening so fast, till now.

Got the results the following Wednesday. Waiting a week for that result was just too long. That was the worst week of my life. I had more meltdowns over, mostly over worrying about my daughter if I didn't make it through this. I knew it would be difficult for my son, but he would survive. My daughter (18 years old) and I are so close, I was worried about her handling this, not me.

When the doctor told me that I had pre-invasive and invasive cancer cells, I didn't flinch. I knew. I had resolved myself to the fact that I had cancer, so if she was to tell me different, then I'd be very, very happy. At least I'd be prepared for the worst if  that’s what she were to tell me.

The next day I saw Dr. Rao, an oncologist in Nashua, and she told me that the cancer had been in my body for about 3 1/2 to 4 years. That means that it was there two years ago when I found it, but nobody told me that I should have an ultrasound at that time. I didn't know better. I’m pretty pissed about that. Don't know who to be mad at, my primary care of the boob tech. Oh yeah, and Dr. Rao told me that I wasn’t going to die from breast cancer. That statement was all I needed to hear. Just tell me what I need to do to get this out of my body and get better.  Saw a plastic surgeon on Friday. He’s the hero who is going to put me back together again. I could have danced when I left his office.

Anyway, the night I was told I had cancer, my friend sent me Bald Wendy’s website. I read Chapters 1-14 that night, and I can't tell you how much it helped me. I didn't finish reading it until today. I've had so many appointments and calls I just couldn't get back to it. But I gave the website to my doctors (3 of them) and told them to pass it along. I'm also going to gave it to the woman who is fitted me for my wigs. She said she’d love to pass it along. I hope I gain her strength and am able go around with no hair, but I just can't image it yet. Maybe that will change. I bought all kinds of little soft hats. Maybe!!  Believe it or not, I'm worried about losing my eyelashes. I need to go back to work, emotionally. I know it will be slow, but I need people.

Anyway... my course of treatment is a mastectomy scheduled for 2 Nov. I'm actually attempting to convince my oncologist to recommend a bilateral mastectomy. I know it probably sounds extreme, but I am the fourth cousin, and three aunts, all on my mother's side, all but one, to have breast cancer. I want them gone and they can reconstruct me all at the same time. I've also had genetic blood tests done (not back yet) to see if I have the mutated cancer gene, and if I do, I'll have to have my other breast removed anyway, as well as my ovaries. Just take it now and I'll never have to wake to worrying about having breast cancer again. And if they find I have that gene, we can watch my daughter more closely. I’ve been told I'll have chemo either 2-3 weeks after the surgery, depending if it's in my lymph nodes, and between four to eight treatments. No talk of radiation, yet.

Well I'm gonna go for now. Red Sox are on soon and I've got to get my junk food ready.