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22. Held Captive

22. Held Captive

April 6, 2008 - This entire story will be much longer than I anticipated. I had been thinking that I would be wrapping up soon and saying all my goodbyes. Ya know? Looks like I'ma be writing a little while longer.

Remember what I wrote about my surgeon being the best and that I basically just loved him cause he set the standard and stuff? Well...er...uhm....that's all still true, but why didn't I believe him when he told me that my port would be removed in a year? Huh? I had an appointment with him last Friday and I was expecting him to tell me that we could schedule my port removal in the coming weeks or that I could have it done at the same time as my reconstructive surgery, but that was not so. Of course now that I'm finished with chemo, I've been viewing the port as a 'foreign device'. Yes, it was very nice to have the port accessed with just one stick of the needle instead of numerous tries to get a "good" vein and I have had absolutely no problems with it and I would love to keep it forever for this very reason, but just not now. ("I want out! I'm being held captive! Boo Hoo!!!", my mind cries.

) It was all so very clear to me in my mind that since my chemo treatments were over that there would be no need for the port. I mean, my surgeon never TOLD me or gave me the impression that the port WOULD be removed immediately after chemo, but it was just the next logical step for me. He told me that I'd have to keep it in case they needed it for something. Something was just not registering with me because I kept thinking that 'OK, at any minute he's gonna tell me that I can have this port removed soon', but it did not happen. I didn't tell him that I'd already told one of the nurses in my oncologist's office that I would surely not go this route again. I would refuse chemo.........so really there WILL be NO need for the port. I forgot to ask him about whether he meant that I'd have to keep the port one year from when I had it inserted, which would be October 2008 or one year from my last chemo treatment, which would be April 2009. (There's a six month difference, and that's a loooonnnng time. Take it from me!) Soooo, what I know for sure at this moment is that I'm while I'm approaching the finish line, I've got a ways to go. I guess I'll have to "hold my horses" (as my grandmother used to say.)

On another note, all is well. I feel pretty good. I had an appointment with my oncologist last week and he was still pleased with how things turned out and gave me the go ahead for reconstructive surgery. I'm not scheduled to see him again for another two months. He did not order any scans for me and noted that the chemo I received was given more as a preventative measure since they felt pretty good that all of my cancer had been removed when I'd had my mastectomy back in September 2007. Chemo was the only medical option considering my cancer history and previous treatment and the type of cancer that I had. So, he's gonna order me to have some scans done at some point. When? I don't know.

On last Monday, I went again for my blood test and my white blood cell count was low of course and I received what I hope to be my last injection of Neupogen. YIP-EEE! I returned on the following Wednesday and my white blood cells were up, but my red blood cell levels were a little low. I will return on tomorrow (April 7, 2008) for testing and hopefully all will be normal. I'm not sure what happens after this. (I'm just clueless huh?)

I am back at work full time and that's been ok. On a couple of days, the hours were creeping by. Geesh! I think more than anything, I have to adjust mentally. I decided to start working out again and I got on my treadmill last week after realizing that it really was NOT broken (after sitting idle and collecting dust for close to 2 years) and that I'd just forgotten how to use it. (Sad, but true!) Gerald and my girls are doing just fine. After my last treatment, Jayme asked me if my hair was going to grow back. I told her, "Of course. It's already growing back. Don't you see all of this hair on my head?", to which she innocently replied, "Noooo..." and we all burst into laughter. Too funny. So now I'ma have to take my child to get her eyesight checked.