April 27, 2008 - It's been exactly one month since my last chemo treatment and for the last several weeks, I kinda wallowed in my own funk, so I took some time to refocus.  I saw myself briefly turning into one of those people who always had something wrong with them or who always has a complaint and truly, there was nothing that I should have been complaining about.  I have much to be grateful for.  I mean, if you think about it, there’s someone right now who has to receive chemotherapy on a regular basis and I’m sure they would love to swap places with me at this moment.   Been there before.  I had some things going on…..my inner elbow has a knot in it and I’ve had to seek medical attention about it.  I paid attention to the knot on March 27, during my last infusion of chemo, although I know it was there before.  (OK, as I type, I admit that I’m not the best person to tell a story..…I leave out major parts and I forget the rest.  My bad.  Follow me if you can.) 

I’d had a problem back in February with extreme stiffness in my left arm and I couldn’t extend my arm fully without being in pain.  This pain was similar to the pain I felt when I’d had my mastectomy…..not major......just there, and since my mastectomy and because I was receiving chemo, my chest (the area where I once had a breast) would fill with fluid (seroma) and I would see my surgeon who would drain the fluid, perhaps every two to four weeks depending on how much fluid accumulated.  (Was that a run-on sentence or what??)  The first time this area filled with fluid, it looked like a little breast and I was excited because I thought that I would not need reconstructive surgery because essentially I had a breast.  So this is probably why I wasn't so sour after my mastectomy. I didn’t necessarily want a larger breast, I just wanted something there, so this little pouch (although lopsided) was just fine with me.) So when my surgeon had to drain it for the first time and it went back to being flat,  I think a part of me WAS really crushed.    Too funny.   Nevertheless, I HAD been told that chemo would slow down any healing from surgery, but what I did not know was how it would manifest and this seroma was just that.)  So, when this stiffness in my arm was apparent, I thought I just I needed to have that area drained.  At one point, the pain was intense so my surgeon had given me some Celebrex to take.  I had to juggle taking the Celebrex because I was also taking a daily blood thinner (Warfarin) as part of my chemo regimen and those two drugs can’t or shouldn’t be taken together because it causes bleeding issues….  So I would stop taking my Warfarin and then take the Celebrex for a couple of days and when the time was near for my chemo infusion, I’d take the Warfarin again.  It was nutty…cause I couldn’t tell if the Celebrex was really helping, so ultimately I just stopped taking it.  (This doesn’t include considerations if I had to take the drug Levaquin when my white blood cell levels were low.)  Anyway, I began to do some gentle bending of my arm (nothing strenuous by any means) and it straightened out without any pain.  However, by the time I could fully extend my arm, this knot appeared.  It looks like it’s on one of my veins and is kinda hard and very awkward.  I’ve since had an ultrasound and I am patiently waiting to hear what my surgeon suggests.  I ain’t even remotely medically astute, but my thought is that the knot will have to be removed because of its location and size and that perhaps the knot is somehow connected to the seroma I’ve experienced.  The knot is a little bigger now and although it doesn’t hurt, I can feel it and it is visible.  Sooo….that was one thing.  Then, I had this sore throat thing going on and I ended up going to the doctor for that.  It was nothing major,  but I got an antibiotic for it.  (I have so many drugs at home!)  Then, my fingernails were very sensitive (almost in pain) for a few days.  Then, my thumb on my left hand was(is) swollen and then I also have these insurance issues (although this is nothing new).  THEN, the price of gas increased eleven cents one day and that was all I needed to scream!  I was gonna stop and get some, but I decided to wait.  TWO hours later, the price was different!)  Soooo, for a couple of days, I was kinda whiny.  I’m better now. 

Just when I was at a peak from complaining in my mind, Germayne gave me this:  (she likes to write too and has declared to me that one of the things she wants to "be" when she grows up is an author)  I thought that by taking a picture of it and posting it, it would preserve the essence of it and give you an idea of how this little girl keeps making my heart smile.  I did not require her to write on this day and I did not critique her writing (even though I DID correct her on one thing (it's apparent when you read it)  Written in her own words………by my seven year old daughter.

I wrote all of that to essentially say that all is well.  My daughter, again, has helped me to keep things in perspective.    I ain't trippin no mo. 

I am clearly more exhausted now than I ever remember being when I received my weekly chemo treatments.  (I think part of my pre-meds before my infusions contained a steroid.......?)  My energy level has been close to zero.  I had been doing most of my writing on Sunday nights, but I hadn’t done it lately because I can’t stay awake!  It’s like anesthesia….the doctor tells you that you’re about to receive drugs to make you “relax” and the next thing you know…you’re out.  I can be perfectly fine one minute and shortly after, I will become overwhelmingly exhausted! 

I still have weekly appointments to have my blood tested to check my counts and I guess I’m bouncing back….a little slow it seems, but nevertheless, my levels have been increasing.  I’ve only had to receive one injection of Neupogen since I last wrote, so things are looking good.  I have a couple of appointments with two plastic surgeons to look at my reconstruction options.  If it doesn’t work out with these surgeons, I will probably just wait till next year when I can change insurance providers to have the reconstruction.  I really want to get it over with, but then again, I’m in no major rush. 

Thank you Lois, Laquita, Stephanie Verron, Steve, Michelle