Hi everyone. It’s been a while since I last wrote and there’s lots of updating. I believe the last thing I wrote was that I wasn’t very sick with my first round of chemo and was hoping to have a good weekend. Well I did, but the fun ended there. By the beginning of the week, I was finding out that chemo wasn’t going to be as easy as I had thought. Although after the first night I had no more nausea or vomiting, it affected me in ways I had no idea it would. To start with, I found that I couldn’t give a shit. No really, I couldn’t. (Now how blunt was that?). I had the most severe case of constipation I could ever imagine. Now I know why they say to drink two to three quarts of fluids each day. I’m not a drinker (unless the fluid is in stemware and it has some degree of alcohol content) so drinking that much fluid is quite a chore for me. It’s like force feeding me liquids. I tried, but I guess I have to try harder with the next round. And Dr. Rao is going to give me some type of laxative as well.

My next problem became more visible. I woke up on Wednesday morning, about a week after the chemo, with the worse case of what I thought looked like 14 year old pubescent acne. I saw Dr. Chatson on Thursday for another pump-up and he said he felt my condition was viral. He made a phone call to Dr. Rao and described the moguls I had on my face which were ready to erupt. She said she wanted to see me right away so I left his office and went directly to hers. She gave me medications for five days to combat this lovely case of herpes simplex 1 (which she said was fairly common although I had no idea). I had to see her again on Monday after having my blood drawn to see where my counts were. My blood counts were right where she wanted it to be, and she wanted me on the meds for another five days. By Tuesday or Wednesday, my face was pretty much cleared up. Thank God. She’s wants me on the meds once a day as a prophylactic until I finish chemo to prevent another outbreak. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.

My parents came in from Florida on the 15th and are staying until the 29th. We’re all thrilled because we haven’t had Christmas with them for the past six years. It’s great having them here for the holidays, although they’re not too thrilled with the weather.

Dr. Rao was right in that I’d probably lose my hair before my second treatment. Two weeks to the day I started to lose it, and by the weekend it was coming out in bunches if I barely tugged on it. My hairdresser and life long friend, Lisa, offered to buzz me when the time came and she’d been on standby for a few days when I made “the call”. She was kind enough to take me as her last customer of the day so there wouldn’t be anyone else in the salon waiting to take the chair. Thank God because it was pretty emotional. I thought I’d be OK with it, having prepared myself for three or four days, but once I sat in that chair and she asked with concern in her voice if I was OK. That was it! No I was not OK and the tears began to flow. She brought me into a back room, gave me big hugs, let me have my cry and then we resumed business. It truly was tough. I’m not completely bald, I have a buzz cut. It looks much redder than it did long, and it’s very soft. I look a lot like my son Cory (his hair is cut like this for school at Mass Maritime Academy). I still get a bit of a shock when I pass a mirror. I left Lisa’s salon with my wig on and joined the rest of my family for a birthday celebration for my mom, and met Cory’s new girlfriend Amee. It took my mind off of it.

On Sunday, my sister Debbie, daughter Jamie and I went to an open house at my cousin’s house. I hadn’t seen any of my cousins since before I was diagnosed with breast cancer so I was met with warm hugs and lots of questions. I felt courageous that day and wore a Santa type hat and left my wig in the car. When asked to see what my buzz-cut looked like, I took off the hat and never put it back on while I was there. It was a great time to feel the waters, being surrounded by family. That night I went to the mall with my daughter, leaving the hat in the car. I got lots of quick looks from people but no one made me feel uncomfortable. The true test was to see if I could be so brave as to not wear the wig to work on Monday. Well I did it. I wore a winter hat because it was snowing, and brought a ball cap to wear inside. I brought my wig with me, just in case. People asked to see the wig on, and I put it on to show them, but took it off right after and wore the ball cap all day. I showed everyone I came in contact with because that way I felt like I was in control. It was so much more accepted than I would have ever thought. I want to be able to decide from day to day if I want to wear a hat, my wig should I want to be dressy, or no hat at all. I’m feeling brave right now, but I think it’s because I still have a little hair. I don’t know if I’ll be so brave when I’m completely bald. I hope so. I also feel that I’ll be more apt to brandish my very short hair as it’s growing in, losing the hats. Everyone will have had seen my pre-bald hairdo so it won’t be anything new.

On the 22nd, I’m having my blood drawn again to make sure my counts are OK for chemo the next day. I’m hoping the nausea comes again on the night of the session so I’m OK for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I’m also having a couple of biopsies done by Dr. Abbis on the 22nd on sites that Dr. Chatson felt might be suspicious for skin cancer. I’m not very worried because I had Dr. Rao look at them and felt that they were sun damage and not cancerous. Better to weigh on the side of caution and take care of it now.

I hope everyone has a great holiday. Thanks to Lisa for helping through this day!