15/5/06 Since finding the lump Ive been feeling very positive just lately its more surreal and strange everyone seems to respond so differently to the news and its so exhausting telling everyone as I want to do it personnaly.
I was so scared at having to tell the kids they all coped very well, well except sarah Mmm she was very very upset, most people took it well some didnt even believe me they thought I was joking, others cried and some were just fantastic. 
Ask yourself what your worst health nightmare is ?
Mine is losing my mother to altzheimers and having cancer myself. Well Ive struck lotto!
I have had sickness before but this the worst I have had to deal with, I have to be serious, I am going to fight this every step of the way, I just have to remind myself every day that "I am the daughter of a King" that makes me his princess. I am an overcomer, I will make it through this. Psalms 139:1-24.
To all my wonderfull family & friends from my entire life, you have shown me such a huge an outpouring of kindness and caring, more than Ive ever experineced before and heres a BIG THANKYOU to ALL of you thanks for your thoughts and prayers they are so appreciated. 
19/5/06 Visit to Surgeons to get the drain out (2wks since surgery) and get the 2nd surgery results, the margins are clear but there were cancer cells in the lymphatics of my breast tissue - this is not so good aparently so a specialists team of Drs will discuss my case on monday and decide if I need further surgery (more bloody waiting) she will call me and let me know their decision.
Have made appt for the oncologist & radiologist.
By the way did I tell you that the back of my L arm is numb and so is my armpit this they tell me it may resolve.
Im an emotional minefield at the moment cry at stupid things - Im keeping my feelings quiet and somehow stay sane they are deep under the surface of my heart I dont want to acknowledge that I am vulnerable. I even cry at the smell of mashed sweet potato it brought back memories of arron as a baby.
20/5/06 Was going back to work this week but where the drain came out, Ive struck a leak - lymphatic fluid to be exact cant work till that settles down.    
23/5/06 Results are in and still going ahead with the planned chemo in 3 weeks time (phew no more surgery).
24/5/06 Seeing the oncologist today: Marianne seems nice enough happy to answer all I want to ask. My chemotherapy is epirubicen & cyclophosphamide x 6 with special injection the day after chemo of neulasta that makes new blood cells grow faster. Starts on the 15th June.