My fears came true when laying in bed about to fall asleep exactly 3 weeks ago.  I felt this aching in my left chest and felt around- finding a hard lump.  I spring up in bed and startled my husband Todd.  I demanded out of fear for him to feel it.  Half asleep and not wanting to commit to finding this lump- I talked myself into thinking it was just my rib I was feeling.  Nothing else came of it until Saturday afternoon when I took a shower and decided to check out this "lumpy rib" I thought I had had.  This was no rib- this was a hard aching small marble sized lump in my left breast.  I paniced.  I called to Todd and he too felt the hard lump.

The first thing that ran thru my head… CANCER!  What if it’s cancer, I can’t have cancer, I can’t lose my breast, I can’t lose my hair, I can’t get sick- my mind WOULD NOT STOP!  Todd calmed me down and told me not to worry about it- and that we would go to the doctor on Monday.  There was no use worrying about it yet as we had no idea what it could be.  He was right.  I put the brave face on and smiled as much as I could- but inside- that loop tape was going off in my head.  I was scared.

I called into work that Monday- as this lump had taken over my mind- nothing else could relieve it.  I called my doctors office and went to see my most favorite nurse.  She checked me out and found the obvious lump (how could I have not felt it before?!).  It ached and it could move- so she tried to put my mind at ease a little bit by telling me that she hadn’t felt a cancer before that would move like this or that ached.  Not letting it stop there- she immediately got appointments that day for an ultra sound and mammogram.

Todd and I went for lunch and then went over to Elliot Hospital to have an ultrasound and mammogram done.  I was very nervous and very scared.  I was by far the youngest person in the room.  I felt like people were looking at me thinking “Poor thing- she’s so young”.  That’s the look I was getting, which in turn made me more nervous and more scared. 3 hours total and I was out of the Elliot.  My information would be given to my doctor’s office and they would call me immediately. 

I got a call the next day that I they found both fluid and solid in this mass in my breast.  I would need to go to have a biopsy done.  She scheduled an appointment with the Elliot Breast Health Center.  At this point I was thinking more that this was a cyst than cancer.  My mind was more at ease- but still thinking I wasn’t out of the clear yet.

I went for the biopsy that Wednesday.  With Todd right by my side he sat thru the core needle biopsy.  My doctor numbed the area and then while watching the ultrasound- “speared” the tumor.  Todd watched in awe while I stared at the ceiling!  My nurse and doctor were FANTASTIC!  They made me feel comfortable- and the nerves subsided.... a little....

We then sat down while my doctor proceeded to tell me that this was an “oddity” as she called it.  Could it be some kind of ad-noma or could it be cancer?  She couldn’t say for sure. 

First we talked about the possibilities of cancer- due to its size it would be a Stage I cancer (based on the very little we knew- the size mostly) and would be removed and then treated with say Chemotherapy and Radiation.  My eyes swelled up… there was that darn c-word again. 
We briefly discussed what else it COULD be.  It appeared to be completely solid- so not a cyst.  I could either watch it carefully or have it removed.  Um… HELLO!? Whatever the heck it was- it needed to be removed!

She said that she’d have the info back from the pathologists tomorrow- if I didn’t hear from them by afternoon on Thursday- then to give her a call as she’d be out Friday.

I went home…  had some crying fits… was trying to prepare myself for what it was.   But how DO you prepare?