Thursday morning came and went.  I had lunch and just as I was finishing I got a call from my doctor.  She told me that she didn’t have good news for me.  I asked, “Is it cancer?”- she said “yes”.  My throat tightened and my eyes welled up.  She asked if I could come down to the office at 2:45 – I said yes. 

It WAS cancer – one of my worst fears had come true.  I called Todd and choked out the words- he needed to come pick me up- I was in no shape to drive.  While Todd took the 15 minute drive to get me- the ladies in the office surrounded me with hugs and words to keep my mind at ease.  As much as could be.  We even had some smiles and laughs.  I will say it time and time again how amazing the people are that I work with!!  Not everyone can say that they ENJOY going to work because they not only love their job but they love their fellow co-workers.  I for one am one of those people.

Todd picked me up and we went back to the house for a bit- and then to see my doctor.

We sat down and talked with the nurse and with my doctor.  She held my pathology report in her hand while she went over my diagnosis:

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma – The more common of the breast cancers forming in the ducts of the breast.

Poorly differentiated – The cells have lost most of the characteristics of the cell from which they came.  Usually aggressive.

Lymphatic/Vascular invasion present – The cancer cells have spread either to the lymphatic system or vascular system.

The last of the pathology report was still pending- The Estrogen +/-, Progesterone +/- and HER2/neu.

During the conversation I tried to soak up as much information as I could.   But when I heard “aggressive” and “Lymphatic invasion” – my mind seemed to get stuck on those things and I couldn’t help but think- isn’t just having cancer bad enough?  Why does my cancer have to be even more complicated?
We made it through the report and what we needed to do.  I was given a post card for Breast Cancer Stories.com and a book- Your Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook- which has become my “breast cancer bible”. 
We were given a wealth of information and now had to absorb it all – which takes a while.

I was told this cancer is aggressive and that we need to treat it aggressively.  Also that since I am so young- my chances of the cancer recurring will be much higher.  Again… what the heck! Stupid lump!

And- everytime I said the word “lump”- I’d get the Black Eyed Peas song- “Lovely Lady Lump” bouncing around in my brain amongst all the other info.

Where do we go from here?  I wanted it removed as soon as we could!  At that point appointments were made.  My surgery for September 8th, my Oncologist appt for 9/11 and my Radiology appt for 9/12.  I was ready to go.  I left the office with a smile and some new friends.  A whole office of friends that would help me in my recovery- and for years to come.  I had just taken on a new circle of doctors and nurses.

We got in the car and I cried.  Todd consoled me.  It was hard to see the tears well up in his eyes. 
I called my mom on the way back to work and it was painful to hear her voice crack after I told her.  I assured her everything would be fine and we would get through this.  I truly believed that and I wanted Todd and my mom to know that I knew I’d be okay.  I didn’t want them to have to worry anymore than they already were.  This was going to be tough- but I’m tougher!

We went to my work where I told my boss.  He had the tissues ready!  He had discussions earlier about how to handle my situation and he floored me when he expressed the support that they were going to do to back me up during this whole ordeal.  Again- the people I work for and with are UNBELIEVABLE people! They will do anything for me-, as they know I will do anything I can for them.  We are a true team!

Todd and I went home – there wasn’t much of an appetite.  We held each other, cried, smiled and laughed.

I know I have to be strong not only for myself- but for him.  It pains me to see him cry or to think that we’d ever be a part.  That is not an option!

We went and got ice cream around 8:00 and went to our second job- which is cleaning the place where I work and another business.   Life must go on- it cannot stop for cancer- I will not let it.  I did not want it to totally disrupt my life and take over- so I was determined to keep things as much the same as possible.

I had a hard time sleeping that night- my mind was processing info constantly, I’m sure that was to be expected.

I went in Friday the 1^st to have blood work done.  I told Todd that I could do this one on my own- it was just some blood.  I was wrong.  I hadn’t realized that it was a pre-op visit too.  I sat in the registration room for 45 minutes before I got told that I needed to meet with the pre-op nurse.   I had to fill out all the paperwork- what are you allergic to, past surgeries,… this and that.  I got to the “living will” and “donating organs” and I was trying to choke back my tears.  I went in to talk with her and started to cry once we were going over everything.  I was a huge emotional stress ball and sometimes… well sometimes things just leak out.   I had been trying to read magazines in the waiting room- but when I saw lovey dovey articles or pictures- I would get upset… thinking that I cannot leave Todd!  I have to be HERE! And how it saddens him to see me go thru this.   So 10 minutes with her and then 5 minutes of drawn blood- but having to wait and wait and wait an hour just to do that.  I’ve also learned- patience is something that I am starting to learn.