Regardless of why I felt nervous, I was just that- nervous!

We picked up some subs on our way up to Hooksett as the appointment was at 1:15 and we didn’t have time to stop to eat. The drive seemed to go quickly and I wasn’t in a great mood. I try so desperately to stay positive as much as possible- but sometimes- its just not there and nerves or doubts or fears take over. That is when Todd helps reel me back in and he tried- boy did he try.

We got there and I had my blood work done. I went out back and they cleaned the port site and drew the blood from the port. I hadn’t put the numbing cream quite on long enough prior to the visit- so it was a little more uncomfortable than the first time, but not too bad. I can imagine how uncomfortable it would feel with nothing to have numbed it.

Then we sat. We had to meet with my oncologist on this visit- and I had totally forgotten about that. So we sat while our subs mocked us from the paper bag in which they were nestled. We were so hungry and waited patiently to unwrap them.

We met with my oncologist and he told me how things were going good. My cell counts fell and rose as expected and I looked and felt to be in pretty good shape.

Next we went back to my chemo chair and waited for the nurse to hook me up! I had the IV already stuck in the port- so just needed my "chemo cocktail".

We were all set and ready to go- and ready to eat! We finished up our subs just in time for my mom to come in and relieve Todd. These two work in shifts and I call them my "posse" as they attend my surgeries, my appointments and my chemo sessions with me.

So there my mom and I sat for the remainder of my session. Time really does fly by when we’re there. I’m not sure if that feeling will change or not- but for now- it seems to go pretty quickly. The chemo part only takes about 3 hours I think- so its not quite the 5 that we originally were anticipating. With blood work and appointments in between- it of course is longer.

Mom drove me home and I spent the remainder of the afternoon/evening watching movies. I think… honestly- I can’t remember!

The week after chemo is always tough to remember. The day after chemo I go back to the office to have my Neulasta shot for my white blood cells. I barely remembered the first time I did it- and had more of a clear picture this time. It’s quick and easy- and I feel pretty good right after the shot.

The rest of the week is spent lying in bed or on the couch watching movies. The next time I go to the movie store with Todd – I browse the covers of those movies that I have just rented and can’t remember them. I remember the beginnings- but not the ends of them. I guess I need to learn to rent fewer movies and just watch them a couple of times before I return them. At least I rent them on Tuesdays- two for $0.99ea!

The following Monday I was a complete wreck. I couldn’t pry myself off of the couch and felt emotionally and physically drained. I had had less than 3 hours sleep the night before – and it totally wrecked me. I couldn’t move a muscle and my spirit was down. I called Todd around 10 o’clock because I needed an emergency hug. He works next door- so he ran over and gave me the much-needed support I was looking for. It upsets me a little when I don’t feel well, it upsets me even more when I get down. I know I have every right to have moments like those- but sometimes I feel like I’m letting myself down if I don’t have that positive outlook- if even for a second. I know its okay to be angry or hurt – those are emotions that help us get thru things. Sometimes I just feel upset, upset of the potential of going through all of this again. Being young with breast cancer and having the BRCA1 gene sometimes way heavily on my thoughts. I think about it often. Sometimes it upsets me and angers me- and other times (MOST TIMES) I just think how I’m thankful Todd as always is able to lift my spirits- I’m convinced that HE is the best medicine! As well of course as my mom for attending all chemo sessions with me, my dad's heartfelt emails/calls, my brother's quirky calls and the support of my friends and co-workers. My co-workers send me a cardeach and every week signed by everyone in the office to let me know that they're thinking of me. And believe me- I too am thinking of them! Everyone!
Here is a pic of Todd and I at my 2nd chemo session.