Right after my chemo session on Tuesday – out came the hair. I woke up Wednesday morning and Todd was sweet enough to prepare me breakfast in bed before he went to work. I sat there with the little tray on my lap while he prepared my english muffin. I had seen on my pillow a few hairs – so I sat there pulling (not hard mind you!) at the hairs on my head- and saw how easily they would come out. I made a little pile on my tray. Todd came back in and told me to cut it out and he quickly thru out the pile I had made.

The hair continued to fall out during the week. Little by little- here and there. In the shower I could tug at it and get bigger clumps. I didn’t cry, I wasn’t horrified, I knew it would come to this. There was a moment of – oh my goodness- here it is, but I think I handled it okay. I’ve prepared myself for it- and I handled it better than I thought I would.

Saturday came and I wanted it shaved. It falling out was more of a nuisance than anything. That evening I sat in a chair in the bathroom while Todd took his electric razor to my head. This is what I was going to have a problem with. I could only prepare myself so much for being bald. He started to shave and the tears began. He made a joke about doing a mohawk- but it was too late because he had already shaved the middle. I whimpered a quick laugh.

When he was done he looked at me with amazement. Amazement to see his wife with no hair. But he told me how beautiful I was and he meant it. I bravely looked in the mirror and was shocked! Well- this is what I look like with no hair – or at least really really really short hair! Not bad, but not the best. A couple more tears fell and Todd held me tightly and told me over and over again how beautiful I was.

As my dad told me – Beauty is not in my hair, beauty is my heart and soul. And he’s right- beauty comes from within. I believe that more now than ever. When you’re stripped of things that you hold dearly for your appearance- like your hair- you learn to shine without it- and be comfortable without it. I will learn that in time. Right now- it’s a little overwhelming.