Today was a dreary Monday and I can't say that Monday's are ever fun- whether you're at work or at home.  I guess maybe if you're snowmobiling- but thats the snow lover in me talking- forgive me for those who don't like that four letter word... snow...
Todd and I spent all evening it seemed driving around looking for a spare tire for "the camper".  He would run in to the stores while I watched from the truck in my hooded sweatshirt and ballcap.  I didn't feel like sportin' the hair tonight as I was perfectly fine staying in the truck- just wanted to keep him company in his travels.
By 5:30- I needed something to eat and actually wanted a salad... not a hamburger, pizza or anything else that would normally apease my pallet.  But it had to be a salad from D'Angelo's.  We stopped in at one and I asked Todd if he could get me the salad while I stayed in the truck.  BC (before cancer) Todd would say "yes" but only after repeatedly asking me to come in with him and why was I being so silly.  Tonight he said a quick "yes, anything for you" with a smile.   Then before leaving the truck- he tried to convince me to go in.  There was no one in there, I look beautiful as I was, noone would care if I didn't have hair,its my smile that matterrs- those were all of his attempts to get me to muster up the courage to go in.  I said "but I look like I have cancer" and he said "thats because you did, you should be proud- you are a survivor!"  that did it for me.  I looked at the front door and I looked back at him... and again.  He opened his car door and got out and started for the door.  I opened up my door and went in with him.  I went in without my hair... my safety blanket.. I went in with just my ballcap on.  I ordered my salad and ate it with Todd in the brightly lit restaurant.  I sat there beaming at him and thanked him for helping me be strong.  Whether its facing another treatment or mustering up the courage to go "hairless"- he's behind me every step of the way. 

There is a band called Flyleaf who has a song that touches me called "Fully Alive".  We had heard it on XM a while back - before the chemo started.  The lead singer talked about it being about one of her friends or someone she knew who had something like bone cancer- I think... can't totally recall the specifics now.  IWe heard it then- and we heard it again tonight.  I want to share the chorus as its inspiring...

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures