Another rough weekend. The more I learn about Cancer the more I realize it can come back anywhere at anytime. You get a lot of advice; don't eat this, stay away from that chemical, take this supplement, eat all vegetables, don't eat beef, don't burn candles, don't use cleaning chemicals, try not to do radiation, chemo ruins your body, Don't get the mastectomy if you don't have to............. I have heard it all. Its overwhelming. What do you do? I pray and I am still waiting for the answer. I don't want to go through this again.

I am so sick of chemo! The thought of it makes me sick. I know I need to keep going and I will. Its so hard when you have kids to take care of. I force myself out of bed every morning for them. Of course things aren't running as smoothly as they did before Cancer. I feel guilty. I try not to but I do. Jon can only do so much. He gets frustrated. I now realize I made life too easy for my family before I got sick. The kids are coming along fine. Jon is struggling. I feel bad because I can't fix it right now. I know this will pass. Life has taken on a whole new meaning to me. When I am well watch out world here I come. In a good way of course. I cannot wait to have my energy and mind back.

I love Jon and my kids so much. I just wish they didn't have to go through this. Sometimes I want to go away and come back when I am all better. I know that is not the answer. I would miss them so much I would probably get worse.

2 more A/C treatments then we talk about which surgery I need or want to do. Then I go to Taxol chemo. I am not sure about radiation yet. Please pray that I make the right decision. Jon wants me to get the double mastectomy with reconstruction because he doesn't want it to come back. I know it could come back even with the major surgery and even in another area. Now that my tumor has shrunk I am sure they will say I can get away with a lumpectomy. See my dilema.

I want to thank everyone who has helped us out with meals and play dates. It means more than you know.

I have some important Dr. appointments coming up and I will update you all when I find out more.

There is a special on Discovery Health tonight called Living with Cancer. They talk to Lance Armstrong, Elizabeth Edwards and producer Leroy Sievers all living with cancer hosted by Ted Koppel If you can watch this please do. Its an honest look inside the world of Cancer and its victims.