I'm preparing my cast for my Lifetime Original Movie - starring Brad Pitt as Todd and Elisha Cuthbert as myself (Todd's pick for my role).  I've got a great line-up playing friends, family and co-workers so far... should be good!
Either the  movie- or a reality show "A Day in the Life of a Cancer Patient".  It would provide plenty of drama - but also plenty of laughs!
What is worse than being told you have breast cancer? I'll tell ya- being told that it has spread.  That is what I was told as I awoke on June 14th from a lung biopsy.  My surgeon told me that I had breast cancer in my lungs and barely being awake and able to speak- I began to cry.  You get slapped in the face again with mortality- although this time it is more frightening.  We have retailored our lives- eating more healthy than ever before and incorporating exercise whenever we can. 
A lot has gone on obviously in the past month.  My "little one" is the VERY least of my troubles at this point... and Todd and I (as well as everyone who knows us) - have been thrust back into the world of Shannon as a cancer patient.  This time- it is more frightening to say the least.
I have been having chest pains since a couple of weeks after that last surgery on May 1st to remove & replace the infected implant.  Figuring it was chest aches- and weren't too horrible... I wasn't in a huge rush to get to the doctor about them.  I asked my plastic surgeon who mentioned that I should speak with my oncologist or my breast surgeon as he couldn't see anything wrong.  I went to see my primary and they quickly did an EKG on me in the office and found nothing... no murmurs no need for a stress test... probably was just that- a muscle ache.  The ache had turned worse where on the left side I was getting more of a sharp jab and some pain in my left arm.  I had been alarmed at this - thinking- what is this- a stroke?!  But alas- nothing found on the ekg and I was sent home with 800mg of Ibuprofin to take.  I took it that night and it didn't do any good- the pain actually started to get worse.  I called them the next day and they sent me off to have a chest ct scan done to check for a pulmonary embolism.  Fearing a blood clot b/c of the Tamoxifen- they wanted to rule this out.  I went to the Elliot by myself and spent over an hour and a half trying to have my iv put in my arm.  Unfortunately for this test they need to flush me with whatever the heck it is, and it needs to go quickly- so a larger needle is needed.  They called in the IV Crew and she was able to get it in on the third try.   We're only able to use my right arm b/c of the removal of lymph nodes in my left side.  So as I sat there hoping the next stick would be the one- my left arm was there- almost mocking us. 
It went in and I had the ct scan done.  They put you thru the cat scan and flush you with this dye that makes your ENTIRE body warm - and MONSTOROUS hot flash!  And then thats it.  I got up and waited in the waiting room. By this time I've been there for nearly 3 hours.  They quickly gave me a phone to talk to my primary's office.  They told me the results over the phone.  I- thinking that they weren't going to find anything was shocked when she told me they found nodules thru my lung field and one larger one in the middle of my chest.  It could be infection, it could be metastatic cancer.... I said "What? What was the last thing you said?" and she repeated the whole thing again... yes- I heard her right... it could be cancer.  I started to cry and I could hear the nurse talking to my husband on the phone.  Todd had called b/c I was there for three hours and he was getting concerned b/c he hadn't heard from me.
I called him from the car in the parking lot and told him the news.  I was shocked.... but convinced that this was not cancer- and thats how we proceeded. 
I went for a pet scan 5 days later.  The pet scan is when they inject you with a radioactive sugar.  They let it circulate thru your body for 45 minutes and then send you thru the pet scan machine.  Any fast growing cells: ie cancer, inflammation, or some other things- will eat up the sugar more quickly and will show up on the scan results.  So Todd and I- as positive as ever- went in and got ready for the test.  They wisked me away for the 2 hour test and told Todd that he could not come in due to their not being a lot of room in the trailer and he would be subject to xray.  So - he ran some errands while I followed the nurse to the trailer parked outside of the back at Elliot.  It was scary and I tried to choke back tears.  They have a petscan in a trailer b/c a lot of the hospitals do not need them full time b/c of their need and space- so this one travels to different hospitals in the area.  I went in the door to see a woman to my left in the machine (just like a ct scan) and then to the right a little room where I would sit for 45 minutes while the iv that the nurse put in would circulate.  Once my 45 minutes were up- I went into the machine and took another 45 minutes.  It would scan part of my body - from my knees to my eyebrows - 7 minutes at a time.  I listened to the radio and sang along in my head to the music.  During the commercials I would chant "this machine won't find anything, because there is no cancer..." over and over until the music came back on.
The test was done and I met up with Todd.  He took me for a nice lunch and we talked about how the machine didnt find anything...and all would be fine.
But the machine did find things... spots lit up in my chest - but thankfully- no where else. 
Although things pointed towards cancer, we wouldn't know for sure unless we did a biopsy.  So many things pointed away from it- like the pain in my chest, my aggressive chemo, my very small lymphatic invasion... so in our hearts- and my doctors thinking with their hearts- were hoping that the biopsy would turn up something much less frightening.
I went to see a top surgeon and he told me that he would have to do a thorasic biopsy- where they would deflate my right lung and I would breathe with my left.  They would go in with a camera and take a piece of the affected lung.
Upon wakening- I would have a tube in my side for drainage and would have no adverse affects with my lungs- i would be able to breathe normally.
We went in for the surgery on the 14th.  My mom, Todd and Todd's parents were all there as I got drugged up and went to the operating room.  I am becoming more familiar with the or nurses and staff- and they are remembering me now.  This time I remembered going down the back hallway and into the operating room.  I thought later that it was a dream- but no- it must've been that I was still barely awake.  I remember being rolled into the operating room and thinking "Wow, there's a lot of crap in here!". 
Like I said- I awoke to find my surgeon telling me the bad news.. .and I got wheeled into the hallway and saw the line-up standing there with big smiles on their faces for me!
I got wheeled into a room and found myself connected to tubes everywhere.  Normally I would have an iv, but this time I had the iv, breathing tubes in my nose and the tube in my side connected to a box that collected the drainage and could watch my breathing go up and down.
I asked if they were told what I was told... and yes... that I had breast cancer in my lung... and that my thymus gland looked normal.  That is the gland in the center of my chest that they had thought might be inflamed- causing it to show up on the scans.  Which at this point- I'm not even sure we know exactly what that larger spot was- its about 1.2 cm, the others in the lungs are all under 5mm. So in the bed I lay with visits from my brother, step father, my step sister Jennifer and Joeby & Chrissy from work.  I got a few more stuffed animals to add to my "hospital collection"... a little cat named "lungy". I'm so creative- I know it!
The nurses that I had were wonderful as always.  I was on the 8th floor this time and roomed with a woman who had an awful hacking cough.  I was having flashbacks to the flu on one of the last visits and asked the nurse what she had? I was told that if it was contagious- she wouldn't be in the same room with me... okay... but still unnerving to have someone getting over bronchitis a few feet from me.  I turned out fine... no coughs here!
I also wasnt able to leave my bed.  The nurse wanted me to sit in the chair for a bit - and that was a HUGE task.  I got wrapped up in my tubes and had to have two nurses help me get untangled.  I wasn't even able to walk the few feet to the bathroom so had to use one of those portable toilets.  Which hurt my pride some...and I really couldn't soak in the magnitude of my situation until I saw some pictures that were taken of me, afterwards.  I looked awful with tubes in my nose and my arm.. and the morphine button clipped to my shirt...and this long awful tube connected to a box at the end of my bed, and the leg wraps that fill with air to prevent blood clots in your legs... and then still- there was a smile on my face in every picture.  A smile that remains thru tears... thru doubt... thru the hardest days of my life... a smile because I know that every day that I am here- I am blessed.  And I will have many more days - and that smile will be on my face!
So I went home Friday evening - don't remember much of that really.  My Dad and Deb came down to visit with us on Saturday.  Typically we spend father's day up in the north country- but they made the venture down to visit with us which was super.  We had a nice visit and a nice lunch.  I had been so nervous to tell him what they had found...as nothing hurts me more than to see the men in my life's eyes well up with tears b/c of me.  But he did well and he remained strong- knowing that I will be okay.
We were able to take the bandages off from where the tube had been removed from my side.  This was a night that the reality cameras should've been rolling.  I stood in the bathroom grasping the counter as Todd painstakenly removed the tape.  It was about a 5" wide piece of gauze COMPLETELY covered in silk tape.  Silk tape is not very forgiving.  Todd tried to wet it to ease the pain. And this wasnt something you could quickly wrip off- as we had no idea what was below it.  Come to find out- some of the tape was over some smaller incisions that had been made.  So he had to carefully remove the tape from those.  It had been on so long that it was like part of my skin.  I screamed as he slowing removed it... then would stop- and I'd look at him and just smile.  He told me to keep it down 'cuz the neighbors would think he was killing me.  It was some of the worst pain I've ever felt!  We took pictures - as we take pictures of every wound - kind of to document the journey.  I now have bandaids over the small three booboo's... far less painful to remove!
That night we also attempted a "boobie sling".  We are convinced that my chest pain hurts so much more on the left side b/c of the weight of the implant.  So he fashioned up a sling for my left boob for me to sleep in.  That lasted like 2 minutes... just wasn't going to work- but made us laugh! 
I had some visits with my oncologist who diligently worked on setting up an appt with the Dana Farber.  I will not be able to get in until July 9th... but have convinced myself that that will be okay- that will be soon enough.  I have afterall just had surgery and need time to recover.  He also had me stop taking the Tamoxifen.  So if it wasn't for the Vicodin I take a night before I go to bed because of the pain... I would be able to have that Rum and Pepsi I've been waiting for! I'm not a big drinker... but would like to partake in one or two!
I also had a scare on thursday.  I went to work and all was fine until I had trouble seeing.  There was a crescent like spot in my left field of view that looked like wrippling water.  It increasing got larger until it filled the outermost of my left field of vision.  I couldn't focus to read ... and though it didnt hurt at all- scared the crap out of me.  I called my primary and they had me get in with my eye doctor immediately.  It didn't last more than 30 minutes and was gone.  I was then worried- was it nothing? was it something?  I went to see one of the eye doctors and she told me it was a classic sign of optical migraine.  So-  harmless and caused by either stress... or a blood clot- but most likely in my case- stress.  She dilated my pupils and checked my retina- all looked good there.  If i didnt have a migraine before- I did now have one.  I wasn't able to see again b/c of the dilation and Todd took me for lunch and on the way home took me to Amanda Thomas Boutique in Amherst.  They sell wigs and mastectomy bras.  We had been wanting to stop by there- but they have limited hours that are not by appt... today was one that was free.  So we went in and spoke with the woman and her daughter.  They were so very helpful and I got fitted with some new bras and a prosthetic that will be in on Tuesday!  I hadn't had the best bras, in fact- they only cost like $5 at Walmart.  We didn't know what size I'd be or anything- so I hadn't wanted to spend a lot on new bras until after the last surgery- which will now be a while as we're not doing anymore reconstruction until after chemo treatments.
Friday my primary set up a quick appointment to have a brain ct scan- to rule out a blood clot in the brain b/c of the optical migraine.  I went to the Elliot and this time took less than 20 minutes! I was in and out... and got the results back- it was free and clear! WOOHOO!!  We did some happy dances when I got back to work!!
It is amazing as these bras fit so very wonderfully and give me support.  Todd got to sit in the little dressing room as they fitted me.  He was given bras and fake boobs to hold.  He took it all in - like the trooper that he is!
I left the store with a new bra and more support than I had had in months!  Todd and I are convinced that this pain my chest is muscle- due to the last surgery and being off, and having done no exercise...and without this pain- we would've never found the cancer in my lungs.  We have been told that this pain probably isnt related to the cancer, and that most time cancer in the lungs shows no symptoms- or shows symptoms like shortness in breath- and other things that I never had.
So- things happen for a reason... and I went thru all of the trouble with the infections and the drainage and the pain... because these tumors needed to be found...
Now Todd is cutting back on landscaping- only doing the jobs that he currently has... as I am work enough for him!  He cares for me tenderly and wants nothing more than to be the day when they say "the cancer's gone!".  We think this cancer was there from the start- we just didn't know it was there, and it didnt react to the aggressive chemo I had. 
So my cute curly hair may fall out... and I may save on shaving products again...but we don't know what the chemo entails this time around.
All I know is that we will get thru this too... and better believe that I will be stronger in the end.  Hopefully by then I will be able to share more than just my story... but be able to walk in the walks, and volunteer my time to others....
I stay strong because of Todd... and because of the fabulous people in my life. I have the best doctors and nurses taking care and looking out for me.  With each and everyone of them- I know I am not seen as just "a patient"... I am seen as "my patient- Shannon" ...
Thank you all and I love you so very very much!