Took a good nap during chemo today. Its 11:00pm and I am still not tired so perfect time to write. The hot flashes are so not fun The good news is my hair is growing back It's about a half inch long now Yay!

I got a call from San Francisco today so now I am not sure what to do again. It would be easier for me and Angie to go to San Francisco than NY. So now I need to research again. I want to go to the best of course. UCSF Mt. Zion is the where I would go in Cali. The breast surgeon is Shelly Hwang and the reconstruction doctor is Robert Foster. Rosemarie maybe your family would know of them?

There has been a bit of drama in my family lately. Things have been really blown out of proportion. I wanted to talk to my mom about somethings I had been wondering about since I was a child and was accused of being insensitive and mean. No one was there but me and my mom and the whole talk took maybe 10-15 min. I was not at all calling my mom a bad mom. I was simply trying to have a normal (I know this is normal because my own friends and other family members my age have had the same talks with their own mom) open conversation with my mom. To my mom I appoligize if our talk was taken the wrong way. I did not mean to hurt you. I have just been living with these questions and thought you could answer them for me. I wasn't angry just curious. I love you mom I hope you know that.

When you get a disease that can turn at any moment and kill you, you change. I want to get my life to a point of complete honesty and reality. I want to be able to express myself and go to my family and friends and be open and real. If something is waying heavy on my heart I need to talk about it. It is how I work through things. Once I get it off my chest I let it go. I have to talk through things. It is how God made me. I have a lot to overcome but having Breast Cancer has changed me and made me stronger. I will cut all negativity out of my life. It is what I would call unnecessary. It makes me feel bad and unhappy. I won't tolerate it in my life anymore. Luckily most people around me don't fall into that catagorie I just can't have it around me especially right now.

Sherri~ I really enjoyed talking to you the other day. I really needed that call. I can't wait to visit you all.

Aunt Orva~ I am waiting for you to add me

I just want to say I love my family. I hope we can start being more open with each other. To hold in your true feeling is not healthy and going to someone else doesn't solve anything. It just creates more trouble. Thank you God for sending Jesus to die for our sins. We just don't get it.

Ok, I am done with this I need to focus on getting rid of this nasty disease. I have had way too much anxiety and sadness from this. I have to let it go and give it to God. I will be praying for the one person who has been quite nasty to me through this ordeal. You know who you are and I really don't understand you at all.

I don't know if its the new chemo meds or the stress but I have gained 9lbs in the last 2 weeks I hate that. Food to me is like a big hug and then it turns and kicks me in the butt! When my chemo and surgeries are all done I need to get some help. I obviously can't do this on my own. Maybe a nutritionist or a healthy chef that can come in totally start me out new. How to cook and it has to taste good my family will need to conform as well. If anyone know's of someone please let me know.

Well, I am ready for school now The kids are bored and I hate to say it driving me crazy! It so hot and they really can't go out and play so what can you do. Oh the messes they create. Of course I do my best to make them clean them up but I just don't have the energy I need right now so I do let somethings go or just do it myself.

God bless you all and have a wonderful, happy, peaceful weekend.

PS I haven't been getting some of the emails sent through this site. If you emailed me from the link up above and I did not get back to you I probably didn't get it. I don't want to post my email address here but I'm sure there is someway to get it if you need it. Through family member or friend or LCF etc....Sorry about that.